Satellite Delight
Satellite tournaments are run to give players the chance to win big cash prizes for a small initial investment. The prize pool in a £500 entry event may seem very alluring but not that many of us want to put up that £500 to chance our arm. But a satellite tournament might give us a chance to turn £50 into £500 and then a few thousand more after that. This format appeals to the greed and vanity of any player who rates himself pretty highly but may not a have a sizeable bankroll behind him. The structure is equally attractive to the shrewd and thrifty individual who may have sizeable funds, but is protective of them, and likes the idea of a cheap shot at a hefty prize. All and all, satellites gain a lot of interest from punters across the spectrum.
The drawback of these events is that the juicy, dangled carrot of big-time success will seldom be munched, even by good players. If we assume that a typical satellite will reward about 10% of the field with a place at the main event, we begin to see why. A decent player may reasonably hope to qualify about once in every three attempts with this ratio. Then, if the top 10% of players receive all the money in the main event, a similar conversion rate could be expected. I would suggest that these success rates are still optimistic for most mere mortals, but even they indicate that money back from the initial investment may only occur about once in every six attempts. This may all sound quite discouraging but slow conversion rates will be the last thing on your mind when you see that £50 turned into £8000.
Another pleasing revelation is that many players are simply horrendous at playing the satellite format, with its unusual dynamic. The key concept to grasp, and it sounds patronising to spell it out, is that there are no winners, only qualifiers. If 20 people earn a seat at the main event then 20th is as worthwhile as 1st. Yet unbelievably there are always clowns in these events who are determined to risk everything to have the biggest chip stack. ‘What can I tell you, I’m a winner. I play to win,’ is the sort of ludicrous twaddle I’ve heard too many times to count. What could be more impressive than beating a group of individuals who don’t mind being beaten? Well, pretty much everything. If I’m in 12th position and have accurately calculated that I can qualify from this spot without playing another hand then that’s what I’ll do. Mission has been accomplished. It’s what any sane individual would do. Poker prowess has very little to do with it.
Satisfyingly, if you play even a few satellites I can almost guarantee you will witness one of these macho bullies knock himself out when he could have left the room and still qualified. Adrenalin junkies feel compelled to play average hands when they should even be throwing away aces. Then, at the opposite end of the scale, but equally incompetent in their own way, lurks the satellite coward.
An online satellite I was recently in had a rather generous 100 seats to be won with 130 players remaining. Surprisingly, the blinds weren’t too high yet so most of us weren’t feeling much pressure. Then the rather inactive player to my left sent a message saying ‘Let’s all fold every hand and we’ll all qualify.’ This sentiment was soon followed by ‘Ok? Is everyone agreed?’ Only two other players were keen to join his gang largely because it was far too early for most people to coast home without playing. He simply had no idea how long these 30 people would hold on for and how the blinds would inevitably reach nosebleed territory. The result of his initiative was predictable. A couple of us stole his blinds every time round and he was the first at the table to bust out. He might as well have posted a note saying ‘I’m nervous about playing and will fold everything unless I have a monster.’
It’s always amusing to see a player try to organise a communal pact in an internet game. It may be possible if attempted in a live game by a large, unforgiving fellow who seems adamant about people toeing the party line – but not online. It seems to be the height of optimism to expect a group of poker players to abandon their natural instincts to join a socialist movement.
Satellites may be lucrative if played sensibly, yet not fearfully. Only time will tell. Success can’t be analysed in anything but the long term and may suit one individual more than another. But one thing is for sure, the format brings out all the game’s odd characters.
Simon Ballou writes for Oddschecker Poker